I wish I knew German

“Break up” is a stupid phrase. Two tiny words to denote a total reversal of feelings, attitudes, actions, and thoughts. That’s why I wish I knew German. Apparently in German, words are added together to make a really long word that actually means one very specific thing. I’m not going to attempt it, even in English, but all that to say, I really hate the phrase “break up.”

By now you have guessed it: Amos and I ended our relationship of 3.3 months. However, just because our “relationship” ended does not mean that our friendship ended. On the contrary, it is doing pretty well.

So, why did we end this? ‘Cuz God showed me very clearly that we should not get married farther down the road. When Amos and I started dating in September, we both talked about and agreed upon the goal of dating to see if marriage would be an option. We talked about it then, and we continued to talk about it through our relationship. Both of our sets of parents were praying for us, along with many, many others.
Though I really enjoyed dating Amos and do not regret a single minute of it, I still had doubts. I thought about these very carefully, tried to justify them away, talked to Amos about a few of them, and so on…But something in the back of my mind still bothered me.
It was nothing Amos did wrong, it was nothing I did wrong. Rather it was God working through my thoughts and perceptions to show me that this was not right for us. And I had to respond to His leading.
I don’t know why I had to be the one to see it. I don’t know why.
I do know that I was very sad and did not want to hurt Amos. I did not want to hurt him, yet there was no other way.
So we broke up.
And I felt horrible. And Amos felt horrible.
There are no hard feelings between us. We are still friends, which will hopefully continue for a very long time.

Though it sounds cliché, I really do believe that God has worked this for our good. Because in my 22 years, I can look back and see how God has used so many hard things in my life for something good. That is not to say that I understand everything that He did, but I know that He loves me and I know that He loves Amos.

Even to your old age, I am He,
And even to gray hairs I will carry you!
I have made, and I will bear;
Even I will carry, and will deliver you.
-Isaiah 46:4 NKJV

He heals the brokenhearted
And binds up their wounds.
He counts the number of the stars;
He calls them all by name.
Great is our Lord, and mighty in power;
His understanding is infinite.
-Psalm 147:3-5 NKJV

So how are we doing now? I am fine, and Amos is fine. God has been good to comfort us by talking with each other, with other close friends, and with Him. Yes, there is still missing going on. But once again, I do not regret one minute of it. As my friend Danielle said, “God led to you to date Amos and now He has led you away from him.”

God is good?
All the time!
All the time?
God. is. good.