Last day

It is the last day of the first month of 2016.

Yesterday Amos and I finished our fifth books for the year.  Here is a quote from my book, An Ordinary Woman's Extraordinary Faith: The Autobiography of Patricia St. John:

And I have come to believe that "wholly sanctified" means clean and obedient at that point where God has shined his light.  We have a merciful God, and he does not shine his noonday sun in the morning.  If he showed us once for all the unguessed depths of pride and selfishness in our natures, most of us would despair and give up.  Little by little, life reveals, and the gentle challenge comes over and over again, "Wilt thou be made clean?" and on each occasion that we answer, 'Yes, at any cost!" he accepts us and comes to sanctify us and works through us.

Talk to the hand

I was thinking about something that has been hard for me, and I wrote down the following thoughts:

Abstain because God has told/asked me to
He loves me
He has my best at heart

I can trust Him

And then I drew a little picture to remind myself.

(I made this frame to be used as a whiteboard.  The paper is glued together and placed behind the glass like a picture so that you can write over the top of it.)

"That's nice."

Conversations over the last month or so:

Amos: Zach is leaving the Tulsa branch, and they need someone to work the office.
Jennica: That's nice.

Amos: Steve, the general manager, stopped by the other day and mentioned that the Tulsa branch needs an office manager and he thinks I would like it there.
Jennica: That's nice.  I don't want to move, and you can't go without me!

Amos: Randy and Jerome spent a lot of time talking to me today about the Tulsa branch.
Jennica: That's nice.

Jennica:  I don't want to go, though God can always change my mind.

Amos: Randy and Jerome want us to think about moving to Tulsa, and they want to know soon.
Jennica: I want to see what it looks like before we say yes.

[Jennica and Amos take a little trip to Tulsa and determine it is neither a dump nor a derelict trailer park.]

Jennica: Is there any reason for us not to go?  It doesn't seem like it would be the wrong decision to move.  God hasn't brought anything glaring to our minds, no warning signs or turn-back-nows.

Amos and Jennica: I guess we are moving to Tulsa!


Why we are moving:
Several people at Amos' company asked him to consider it
Reduction of Amos' stress level, I hope
Opportunity for Amos to try his hand at bringing the branch back to life
Different coworkers
God didn't say no!


What I think about the move:
I want Amos to be happy in his work.  Amos is excited about this opportunity to really make an impact at the Tulsa branch, and he will be able to work with coworkers who are easier to get along with. :)
Amos' company really has done a lot for us.  They paid for our move to Oklahoma, and they are helping us move to Tulsa, and I don't want to be ungrateful for all the help they have been to us.
Only fourteen more days at OSU-OKC...
Tulsa is smaller and nicer-looking than urban Oklahoma City (thought I DID see two people smoking at the gas station yesterday; one of them had an open flame!  WHAT?!).
Our new apartment is right across the street from a big library!
I am excited about this now, but I have a feeling that it is going to be hard when we leave our church.  We have some good friends there, and several families and couples have been a big help to us in terms of making us feel welcome, inviting us to lunch, asking about our jobs, moving us not once but twice, helping us with our nightmare landlord, lending us cars, etc.  It is going to be hard. :(


I have fourteen more days at OSU-OKC...I hope all goes well after I leave!  Amos will be driving back and forth from Tulsa every day for the next three weeks, at least, so please pray that he will be safe out there on the freeway.


This will be our fourth move in seventeen months!
Oh, wow.
Time to get packin'...We are Tulsa bound!

A year later

Last year we were...

packing up our house.
saying goodbye to Santa Clarita friends.
holding back tears as we said goodbye to church friends.
staying up way too late, packing up glasses and plates and lamps and plants and other last-minute odds and ends, aided by our faithful friends, Luke and Danielle.
stopping at TMC one last time to hook up our little car and say goodbye to Todd, our IBEX professor.

waiting at the checkout at Walmart for just one more thing, watching someone else's Thousand Island leap from the conveyor belt and shatter on the floor.
driving through the hills north of L.A., tasting a few of the snacks from Luke and Danielle.
experiencing the grandeur of the Grand Canyon for the first time.

getting caught in a snow storm driving out of Albuquerque.
looking at the colorful houses sprinkled near the roads in a few Indian reservations.
listening to audiobooks.
eating out way too many times.
arriving in Oklahoma City on April 4th, 2014.

Lester recently asked me if I liked OKC better now that we've been here for a while.

That is a difficult question.

Oklahoma beats California in terms of thunderstorms and beautiful clouds.

I still miss Crossroads very much, I miss living next to Luke and Danielle (and baby Amelia), I miss going to normal-to-me grocery stores, I miss California turning green in January, I miss lots and lots of little things.

We found a great church here with genuine people, a good pastor, and opportunities to be involved.  Without them, I know that I would feel adrift and alone.

We both have jobs.  We are paying down Amos' school loans, our car loan, and other bills.

But part of me still doesn't know.  The excitement of moving soon turned into tears, just wanting to go back home.  Poor Amos.  He was very kind and caring, as I spent a lot of time the first five months mourning the loss of friends and lifestyle.

Amos: It's an adventure.  You like adventures!
Me: I'm done with adventures.

Danielle: God has you right where He wants you.
Me, thinking: I don't want Him to want us here.

I know it is easy to look back at California and only see the good parts.  I know it is easy to look at Oklahoma and only see the bad parts.  I don't even necessarily wish we could move back to California, because I know that things would not be exactly the same as they were before.  There are a lot of good things about Oklahoma.  It has just been a long adjustment, one that is still ongoing.


"Thus says the LORD of hosts, the God of Israel, to all the exiles whom I have sent into exile from Jerusalem to Babylon:...seek the welfare of the city where I have sent you into exile, and pray to the LORD on its behalf, for in its welfare you will find your welfare...for I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope."

::Jeremiah 29:4, 7, 11

I know Amos and I are not in exile.  But think about this: Judah wanted to be back in Jerusalem, not in Babylon.  However, God had brought them to Babylon, and God didn't want them to waste their time there.  He told them to live their normal lives and to seek the good of the city  His plans were not Judah's plans, but He was still working things out for their good and His glory.

"You turn things upside down!
Shall the potter be regarded as the clay,
that the thing made should say of its maker,
'He did not make me';
or the thing formed say of him who formed it,
'He has no understanding'?"

:: Isaiah 29:16

Shouldn't I also trust Him?

Am I happy in Oklahoma?  Yes and no.
Was I happy in California? Yes and no.

I guess this is just life.  As much as I want it to be, life and experiences and emotions and attachments are rarely cut-and-dried, black-and-white, yes-or-no.  Fortunately, "For I the LORD do not change..."

:: Malachi 3:6a

In the last week...

I have...

...suffered through freezing temperatures and no furnace for two days.

...remembered our friends who just moved to the Middle East and are living in a cold, concrete apartment.

Remembering our suffering has reminded me to pray for them.


...rejoiced over the birth of our CA friends' little boy, Owen!

...learned of the diagnosis of SMA for the little boy of some of our OK friends.

Life and death are so close sometimes.


...been terrified of the "what ifs" that come could come with trying to leave our current apartment.

...opened my Bible to rediscover Psalm 37, a partially-memorized psalm from this summer.

"Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for Him;
Fret not yourself over the one who prospers in his way,
Over the man who carries out evil devices!

Refrain from anger, and forsake wrath!
Fret not yourself; it tends only to evil."

New links

June isn't looking very promising as a month of many blog posts...oh well!  This weekend will be rather busy, with a family reunion and birthday party for Amos' grampa tomorrow, Amos' family visiting on Sunday, hurried packing and cleaning on Monday, and my flying out to Canada on Tuesday!

Here are some links, though...

Audiobook Sync
If your library has the Overdrive service, you can download two audiobooks for FREE every week during the summer.  Read the website carefully to find out how it works (it's pretty easy).  One of the books this week is a favorite, Code Name Verity by Elizabeth Wein!  The other book is The Hiding Place by Corrie Ten Boom with John and Elizabeth Sherrill.

YembiYembi
A really cool video about a couple who served with New Tribes Mission in Papua New Guinea.

A Modern Confession via Mike Gaston's blog
I thought this was really good.  Mike is the missions pastor at Grace Baptist, one of the churches in Santa Clarita.

17 Famous Literary Characters Almost Named Something Else via Mental Floss
Puny Pete.

Homemade Naan via Budget Bites
I made this naan with a few adjustments (subbed out some of the regular flour with 1/2 a cup of whole wheat flour and 1/3 of a cup of potato flakes, plus needs more salt).  It turned out really well; the potato flakes and the egg made it more pliable than other naan I've made.

So, you now have...something to listen to, something to watch, something to contemplate, something to laugh about, and something to eat!  Have a good weekend!

Thankful Christmas

Well, this isn't how I imagined Christmas week going, getting back from Christmas with my family and bringing a hitchhiking virus!  Alexis was struck first, earlier on Sunday, and I was hit later on the way home.  Various family members fell over the next two days.

I have little memory of Monday, except for feeling miserable, answering the door when Danielle kindly brought over a bottle of ginger ale, and spending as much time as possible on my back.  I'm doing much better now, but poor Amos is sick! :_(  Amos rarely gets sick, and I feel sad for him because I know how it feels.  I also feel sad for me because I can't do much for him, and I miss him, and I don't know what to do with myself (we aren't having a big dinner, obviously), and Christmas is supposed to be HAPPY, and all that pity party stuff.

However, in an attempt to pull myself up by my bootstraps, I am very thankful for Amos - his love, care, personality, friendship, Amosness - and for Christmas and for hope and for the reason for the season: Christ come to earth to save us from ourselves.

He Has Come for Us by Meredith Andrews

Links to make you think

Stopping an Affair before It Begins by Tim Challies
Good article on Tim Challies today, especially the quote by John Owen at the bottom and a commentator's quote: "A pastor I love once said 'Every sin caries with it the seed of total apostasy.'" [sic]

The Aftermath of Typhoon Haiyan by Preston Richardson at VSCO
This guy's family goes to my church, and I think he did, too, till he moved away.  (I'm really not sure, since I don't know the Richardsons that well.)

The Robertsons from I Am Second
Stories from the Duck Dynasty folks; I really liked Reed's comments at the end.

How This Breast Cancer Survivor Stopped Hating Pink from Christianity Today
Apparently this girl is a Master's alumna.

Bogged Down by Alicia
An post by my friend Alicia, written a while ago.

Absolutely Fabulous Greek/House Dressing from allrecipes
Really good dressing I found.

Jellied Cranberry Sauce with Fuji Apple from The Bitten Word
Lester and I made a big batch of this for Amos' work party; Lester had a goooood time eating the leftovers.

More thankfulness

All ten of my nieces and nephews: Ellie, Chloe, Kaylee; Ethan, Andrew, Abigail; Jasmine, Kiera; Oliver, Oakley
All of my brothers, sisters, brothers-in-law, and sisters-in-law: Ross, Audra, Scott, Garret, Kaydee, Brenda, Luke, Alexis, Gio, Reuben, Alisha, Herschel, Julia, Katie, Seth, Sara, Grace, Theodore, Nathaniel
Books, again :)
Pumpkin pie
White out
Mr. Potato Head (he showed up in a few math lessons this week)
Old movies
Best friends
Music by Owl City and by John Williams
Bright leaves
Calla lilies that are finally growing again (I was afraid I'd killed them :P )
Indian food
Spiritual white out, i.e., forgiveness; blotting out of sins by the blood of my Savior

Some links...

I'm on Fall Break (two days off!), and one of the things I've been doing is reading articles.  (I've also straightened the house, worked on missions stuff, made dinner, and read a book.)

Evangelism in the Workplace from 9Marks
How to be a witness in your workplace.  I like the fact that the author said to work with excellence and to be friends with your coworkers (don't treat them like projects).

Not All Praise (or Criticism) Is Created Equal by J.D. Greear
I don't like criticism, constructive or otherwise, but this article was really good: how to get your positive or negative point across in an effective, meaningful way

Gift Envy & Gift Projection by Tim Challies
Two bad things can come from spiritual gifts: envying someone else's gift, and assuming that everyone else should have your gift

Christianity and Homosexuality: A Review of Books by Tim Keller
Two Christians who deal with same-sex attraction have written books, and this is what Tim Keller has to say about them

Humans of New York by Brandon
This guy goes around New York, taking people's pictures and asking a little bit of their stories.  He recently went to Iran and did the same thing!  This link takes you to his Iran section.

A Marriage Built for This from Start Marriage Right
A very sad but insightful article about a couple that went through several miscarraiges

Lessons from a Wildfire, Part 2 by Mike Gaston
Mike is the outreach pastor at the local church where we are taking our missions class.  He writes about going on a hike and not finding what he had expected.

To the Ends of the Earth, weeks 1 and 2

As I said before, Amos and I are taking a missions class at a local church this semester.  It's being taught by Cecil, a former seminary professor.  Cecil and his wife Kathy were overseas in the Netherlands for a long time, but they are retired now and back in the States, though Cecil continues to teach at Master's and elsewhere.

In order to keep up this blog, to provide good information, and to remind myself what I've learned each week, I'm going to attempt to write a short summary of what we learn in our missions class, To the Ends of the Earth.  We'll see how it goes!


Week 1: Mission, Missions, Missio Dei
These terms are not synonymous, and different people define them in different ways.  It is important to define these terms accurately so that those who are involved in missionary service have a clear understanding of the priority of various aspects of ministry.  We don't want to overlook the Gospel even if we are doing good things like feeding the homeless or starting a non-profit.

Cecil's definitions:
Missio Dei: all that God does to build the kingdom of God
Mission/missions: evangelism, discipleship, church planting, social work, teaching, building churches, etc.

We must remember that the Gospel is the primary thing.  It is good for social work to lead to open doors for the Gospel and to work hand-in-hand with the Gospel, but the Gospel must be first and foremost in our minds and actions.


Week 2: The Mission of Israel
What was the purpose of Israel?

1. Israel is not told to go tell people about God but rather was to draw people to God by their distinct lifestyle and righteous behavior (light to the Gentiles; Zechariah 8:22-23).

2. Israel was blessed by God not just to be blessed (end) but also to be a blessing (means) to all nations (Genesis 12:1-3).  The ultimate Blessing was realized in the Seed of Abraham, Jesus Christ, Who is a blessing to the nations in that He provides the means for wicked people to be reconciled to a holy God.

3. We can attract people to God by being a blessing to others!  We can't be Jesus, but we can bless others in many different ways that may in turn lead people to being open to the Ultimate Blessing, Jesus Christ.  Some ways to bless others include attending neighbor kids' sports events; talking to neighbors; not joining in gossip; helping new immigrants (Heather and Austin are good examples of this); encouraging parents who have young children; praying for others; giving flowers; inviting to special events; practicing hospitality; etc.

Found on page 124

This is an important thing, which I have told many people, and which my father told me, and which his father told him.  When you encounter another person, when you have dealings with anyone at all, it is as if a question is being put to you.  So you must think, What is the Lord asking of me in this moment, in this situation?  If you confront insult or antagonism, your first impulse will be to respond in kind.  But if you think, as it were, This is an emissary sent from the Lord, and some benefit is intended for me, first of all the occasion to demonstrate my faithfulness, the chance to show that I do in some small degree participate in the grace that saved me, you are free to act otherwise than as circumstances would seem to dictate.  You are free to act by your own lights.  You are freed at the same time of the impulse to hate or resent that person.  He would probably laugh at the thought that the Lord sent him to you for your benefit (and his), but that is the perfection of the disguise, his own ignorance of it.

:: Gilead, Marilynne Robinson

Around the web 4

Here are some links I've enjoyed recently:

Believing That Which Is Hard To Believe by Mike Gaston, small group and outreach pastor at Grace Baptist
"Wouldn't it be arrogant of me to assume that God would only do that which I am capable of understanding?"

My Dad's Impromptu Challenge by Nancy Leigh DeMoss
Ever thought of making 50-year goals?

Listening to Young Atheists: Lessons for a Stronger Christianity by Larry Alex Taunton for The Atlantic
This just in (okay, it's old news), but Christian youth turn from the church when they sense that the teaching is neither genuine nor able to answer their tough questions.  Interesting study.

How to Read a Book by The Art of Manliness
I haven't read this article yet, but I plan to soon!

Crockpot Peach Chipotle Chicken at thefrugalgirls.com
This recipe was just for inspiration.  I made peach preserves and mixed it with a little bit of honey barbecue sauce, onions, and bell peppers.  We ate it over grilled chicken breasts with brown and white rice, green beans, and avocado.  It was really good.

Song of the week by Michael Buble': It's a Beautiful Day

And a funny video that Danielle showed me on Monday, when I invited myself over to her house:
Cat Jump Fail with Music

Open Letter to the Lord of the Universe

Amos is a college graduate, and I am a college graduate and teaching credential holder. We reside in Southern California and both hold two jobs each.  We live in cheap housing, spend a very small amount on groceries, and eat out probably five times a month, at most.  We pay our bills on time, including our car payment and student loans.  By all accounts we should be living the good life (if you believe the messages painted on our city buses).

Yet we make it by with a rather small surplus every month.  So small, in fact, that we can't afford to pay for benefits, even for one of us.

And then there is Obamacare, which says that we must have benefits or we will be fined hundreds of dollars per month, and we still won't have benefits.

And I'm afraid.  How can we pay for everything and not become homeless, when this bill goes into effect next year?  What if one of us gets sick?  How will we pay for dental care, which is sorely needed?

And then I think, "I'll write President Obama a letter and explain everything.  I'll send it to the White House, and he will read my touching, reasonable, persuasive letter and drop his bill."

And then I think, "What if it never reaches him?  I know he doesn't read all his mail; I know that there are employees who have probably read thousands of just such letters, and that the letters have probably been filed or tossed.  Oh dear!"

And then I think, "Who needs the President?  I have the Lord of the universe on my side, and He hears me night or day, rain or shine, hell or high water, for better or for worse, in sickness or in health, private care or Obamacare, till death we are united."

And so I put fingers to keyboard to write a prayer letter to the Lord of my life, who will sustain Amos and I through it all.  This is not easy to write, and even harder to live, but I do believe this prayer and trust that the Recipient will read it and act.

Lord,

You put President Obama in power, and You turn and have turned his heart where You will.  For some reason that we cannot see, You allowed this bill to be passed, and now millions of people will have to pay, literally.  It is scary, and we do not like it at all.  It doesn't seem to be the right thing for You to do.

But God, we place our sure hope in You, Your character, and Your Word.  We do not hope in men who fail or bills that pass or bank accounts that just won't fill up. You are the sustainer of our lives, and we rest in You to care for us.

Help us neither to be lazy and listless nor to work ourselves to death.

I echo Psalm 112,
"[The righteous man] is not afraid of bad news;
his heart is firm, trusting in the LORD.
His heart is steady, he will not be afraid."

I claim Psalm 118,
"I shall not die, but I shall live,
 and recount the deeds of the LORD."

Lord, You wrote these truths, You will bring these to pass because You cannot lie.

We do not know what the next year will bring, but we trust You to be true to Your Word and to care for us, through thick or thin, rich or poor, in sickness and in health, from this time forth and forevermore.

Trusting and trying to trust,

Jennica-Ayelet

GO Sunday recap

Thank you to those of you who prayed for me and for GO Sunday!  I think it was a really good event!  Now we just need to maintain the momentum we gained yesterday; we don't want missions to be pushed to the back of our church's mind.

It was a good Sunday!  It was a little stressful when one missionary family overslept their alarm and showed up late to set-up; when our pastor rushed by us saying "Compress! Compress!  Compress!" right before we were going to speak a second time; and when the congregation failed to understand Rachel when she said, "greet one another" (they sat and stared at us...awkward!).  Oh dear!  We'll just look back and laugh, I guess!

Some people signed up to pray for individual missionaries, and a few of the children's Sunday School classes were taken outside to learn about our missionaries.  One of the Sunday School teachers remarked that even she didn't know about all our missionaries.  Our newest elder, Nigel, bought Through Gates of Splendor by Elisabeth Elliot for his sixth grade daughter, a book that she asked for; that alone made my day!

Thank you for praying for the weather, too!  The wind only started up right before the end of the third service!  We are very thankful that God granted us favor with the weather. :)

Now it's Monday, and I'm taking the day off.  Time to drink chai, listen to The ABC Murders by Agatha Christie, and later, return some library books and read Through Gates of Splendor myself.

God's Smuggler

I've been collecting missions and missionary book titles, and several people have mentioned God's Smuggler as a good one for my list.  God's Smuggler by Brother Andrew and John and Elizabeth Sherrill is a fairly popular book in the Christian world, but I'd never read it.  I figured I would get around to reading it eventually.  Then I saw that it's the free audiobook for February from christianaudio.com!  I've tried audiobooks before but wasn't completely sold on the idea (I like the act of actually reading, plus I can get distracted from the story if I try to do too many things at once).  However, when something free crosses my path, I at least slow down to check it out. ;)  I created an account on christianaudio, downloaded the book to my bright green iPod (a friend gave me one that she no longer uses!), and started listening to the story of a lost young Dutchman who found God and caught a vision of smuggling forbidden Bibles behind the Iron Curtain.  I've been listening to the book while I do the dishes or put things away or work on little projects that don't require much thought.  I'm now about twenty-five minutes from the end! :(  After this experience, I can't wait to see what March's free audiobook will be!

One of my favorite ideas from the book, repeated several times, goes something like this, an exchange between Brother Andrew and his wife Corrie:
Brother Andrew: We don't know where we're going...
Corrie: ...let's go there together.
It sounds like Amos and I! :)

Another idea went something like this:
Indifference to the church is more dangerous than persecution.

You only have sixteen more days to download this book!  When you download it, it is yours to keep; it doesn't expire.  I hope you like God's Smuggler as much as I do! :)  After you've listened to this book, consider reading Secret Believers and Light Force to find out about Brother Andrew's work in the Middle East.

Crying for the Russians

I don't think about myself as a very emotional person, but I cried this morning, for good reason.

You've probably heard that Russia, has chosen to close its doors to American families looking to adopt Russian orphans.  The US wrote a ban on Russia, refusing the help or work with Russians who have violated human rights.  Russia, in an effort to look tough, decided that Americans could no longer adopt their children, because in some rare and hopefully extreme cases, Americans were abusing their new children or even sending them back.  This Russian ban on adoption, separated from personal experience, is heartwrenching.

I've never adopted anyone.  My parents, however, have gone through the process of domestic adoption, and it is work, both before and after you get your children.  I don't know what it's like as a parent to wait for your child whom you've never met.

But I can imagine...

You have been praying for years concerning adoption, and you finally know that God has directed you as a couple to look in Russia.  The two of you fill out the paperwork, pay lots of money, fill out more paperwork, pay more fees, pay for passports, write e-mails, and pray, pray, pray.  Your church family prays, too, and while you are happy that they care so much, it gets tedious having to say every week, "No, not yet!"  "No, we haven't heard anything."  "We are hoping to get a name soon."  "Thank you for praying, yes, we're sure that we're doing everything we can."

The day that God has appointed from eternity finally comes: You are matched with a child, a little boy with blue eyes and light brown hair!  He looks kinda thin, but he's smiling; maybe he knows that you are waiting for him.  You now have a face and a name to add to all those longing prayers.

After mountains of more paperwork, your social worker finally lets you know the date that you can fly out.  You and your spouse hurriedly arrange time off, buy tickets, ask a church kid to housesit for you, find someone to take you to the airport.  You try not to think about how you hate flying, how there is so much left to do, how your little boy will react when you see him, how you will react when you see your little boy, how you've only been to Hawaii before and isn't Russia really cold?  The two of you go to Target, picking out the perfect green and brown plaid shirt for your little Russian boy, wondering if you should get the shirt in the next biggest size, because you really couldn't tell from the picture how big he is.  You talk together of all the fun things you are going to do as a new family, and you thank God for bringing this to pass.

And then, you hear rumblings that Russia might cut off all your adoption hope in one swift decision.  You pray more fervently, wish the days would go by more quickly, distract yourself in a million ways so that you won't have to contemplate the possibility of
never
seeing
your
little boy.
His picture hangs on your fridge and lives in your wallet as a reminder to hope and to pray.

And then the news: The ban has been enacted; your little boy is stuck, thousands of miles away, a seeming eternity from your hopes, dreams, hugs, kisses, love.

What do you do?  What do you do?

The only comfort, is that God knows.  God is for you, even when you don't understand.

And God wins, even if we won't be able to see it.  He cares for the orphans.

"Oh, taste and see that the LORD is good!
Blessed is the man who takes refuge in him! 

The LORD is near to the brokenhearted
and saves the crushed in spirit."
:: Psalm 34:8, 18

In the midst of intense pain,
God is our only great, undiminishable, everlasting hope.

-----------------------------
Pray for the waiting orphans.  Pray for the waiting families.  Pray for Vladimir Putin.

"Friendship"

I think my friend Heather has a point when she says one reason she deleted Facebook was because "...some things people post on Facebook rile me up unnecessarily and cause me to judge them in ways I shouldn't."  Well, something on Facebook irritated me enough to write a post about it, though I've thought about this  for quite some time.

Anyway, this person had a quote from Ayn Rand, libertarian and feminist extraordinaire, about friendship.  Or, "friendship," as I would call it.  If you know a bit about Ayn Rand (I read part of an article about her and her philosophy once), you know that she thought that living for self was the ultimate goal in life.  She believed in a society run with no commitments and no restrictions on personal liberty and the personal pursuit of happiness.  Here is her quote about "friendship."

"I shall choose friends among men, but neither slaves nor masters.  And I shall choose only such as please me, and them I shall love and respect, but neither command nor obey.  And we shall join our hands when we wish, or walk alone when we so desire."

"And I shall choose only such as please me, and them I shall love and respect..."  Is this true friendship?  I've seen quotes around the internet about "Choose only those friends who build you up and make you a better person.  If they take too much out of you, ditch 'em."  (I'm talking here about friends who drag you down emotionally and relationally simply by their personality or life choices, not people who are openly hostile and manipulative, who try to use you rather than truly befriend you.)  Well, if the world followed the philosophy of Ayn Rand and random internet quotes, I don't suppose I would be friends with quite a few people!  My parents chose to befriend my brothers and sisters and I as we were growing up, not because we would make my parents better people, but because they loved us, had a commitment to us, and wanted us to be better people.  My ARA in college chose to befriend me as an annoying freshman not because I would make her a better person, but because she cared about me.  My roommate Katharyn chose to befriend me not because I irritated her and tickled her and teased her and jumped out of closets at her, but because she cared about me.  When I came to care more about her than about myself, we got along a lot better.  Amos chose to befriend me and continues to befriend me even when I hurt him.  I told him one time, "I don't want you to have to love the ugly parts of me," to which he replied, "but that really isn't love, is it?"

One of my best friends is different from me in almost every way.  I told her once that the only thing we have in common is our blue eyes, haha!  There have been times when it would have been easier on me to withdraw myself, to cease to reach out to her, to give her the cold shoulder, to let her wander off and out of my life.  But I didn't.  Why?  Because I thought that that wasn't loving; because I thought that perhaps she needed a friend that didn't give up on her; because I thought maybe I could influence her for good, even if she didn't always listen to me.

Are these relationships just that, relationships, not friendships?  Why must friendships only benefit me?  Why not make friends to benefit others?  Why only seek out like-minded people to be friends with?  Why avoid the rough edges?  What is the difference between love and friendship?

Indifference, rejection, lack of commitment, self-interest.  Is this how we are to respond when a friend, who needs help, is costing us more than we want to pay?  That's not how God responded.  God looked at Israel and saw a pitiful, whiny, unfaithful people, and He loved them.  God saw Peter, His chosen Church founder, who denied him, who made mistakes, who was embarrassing, and He loved him.  God saw me, a selfish introvert who would rather not reach out to others, who would rather love her husband and no one else, who would rather not learn to be patient with people, and He loved me.  Can't I learn to love others, too, even more, to befriend others who often don't give me what I want, who don't always show love in return, who sometimes irritate me, who cause me stress, who misunderstand and misinterpret me on occasion?

Friendship - not just love, but friendship -  is an investment, even when you don't know if you'll get any worthwhile returns.  And that is worth much more than living for the friendship of self.

Young, Hugo, Lewis, and Adams

I like this song by Adam Young, aka Owl City, for the Disney movie Wreck It Ralph.  The music video is kind of weird/cheesy, but I like the song.

I love books.  I'm about 200 pages into Les Miserables by Victor Hugo, and I have 1,060ish pages to go!  I'm reading it for a few reasons.
1. A new theatrical version is coming out in a few weeks.
2. Several of my friends have seen a play version of the story and/or love the music.
3. The discipline of reading a long loooooooooooooong book is good for me as a reader and as a person.
4. I want to be able to say that I've read the unabridged version. ;)

I'm almost done with Surprised by Joy: The Shape of My Early Life by C.S. Lewis.  I like it a lot.  Here is one quote that really stuck out to me.

"What I like about experience is that it is such an honest thing.  You may take any number of wrong turnings; but keep your eyes open and you will not be allowed to go very far before the warning signs appear.  You may have deceived yourself, but experience is not trying to deceive you.  The universe rings true wherever you fairly test it."

This reminds me of a quote from one of my teacher ed professors.  Dr. Adams never married, even though she wanted to.  She is now set to retire this spring, and Master's will have a hard time replacing her.  She taught a few seminar and credential classes as well as the intense-but-fun class known as Children's Lit.  She has a hundreds of children's books in her office. *sigh*

One year Dr. Adams spoke in a women's chapel about...something?  I think it was about trusting God with your life; I'm not sure.  Though I can't remember the exact topic, I do remember one exact sentence.

"God isn't going to let you unknowingly ruin your life."

This is very encouraging, and I think it goes along with C.S. Lewis' quote.  God will not let me unknowingly ruin my life.  He is a loving God, so He will use circumstances, people, His Word, and my conscience to show me the right way to go.  Even when I am confused, God is on my side.  He won't let me accidentally ruin my future.

Hell in the sanctified imagination

*Disclaimer: I know that people don't like to think or talk about hell, and I'm not sure that I do, either.  However, I am a Christian and thus believe in a literal hell.  I don't believe in hell because I want revenge on anyone, and I certainly don't believe that I have any responsibility for who goes to hell (referring to the common question, "if I don't believe in Jesus, do you believe I will go to hell?"  Well, yes, but it's not MY condemnation, it's your own for not accepting Christ, and it's what the Bible says.  "Don't shoot the messenger.")

At one of our Thursday Bible study meetings, our Bible study leader asked us, "What do you think hell is like?"  A few people gave some answers, then Jeff asked Amos what he thought.  Here's a paraphrase of Amos' response.  It is not meant to be taken as biblical fact but rather as Amos' own view of what hell could be like.

"I don't think hell is like a nightmare, like many people think [dark, scary, monster-filled, etc.].  I think it is more like finally understanding that God is God, and being eaten up by that knowledge for eternity.  You finally understand and believe what God has done for you  on the cross, and you are eaten up by the fact that God loves you and doesn't want you in hell, but that His perfect justice will not allow Him to take you out of hell.  You live in eternity with the knowledge of both the truth and your rejection."

How sad!  How horrifying.