Intentions

I was going to write about my terrible day.

I was going to tell you how I wanted to spend my day doing profitable things, like spending time praying (which, sadly, I never do) and preparing for my tutoring lesson.

I was going to tell you how I got a call at 6:00 am to substitute at a junior high school and decided to take it, only to find out that my car wouldn't start, that the junior high kids were rude and ridiculously talkative, and that my tiredness was not helping my attitude. Not to mention the bad traffic as I tried to get out of the parking lot at the school. Not to mention the fact that I started to feel bad after I left school and had to go tutor.

I was going to tell you how I just wanted to crawl home and go back to bed...and the first period of the day wasn't even over yet.

Well, since I did tell you all of that, maybe I should tell you the good things that happened to me today.

I was actually called for a job today that will help me pay bills.

I didn't have to worry about lunch today because Tall Michelle had bought herself and all of us roommates Stonefire for dinner last night, and I hadn't eaten my share yet. (I was at Frisbee, and then Amos and I went to In N' Out.)

Amos helped me start my car, even though he was miles away. (Yea for cell phones!) Never mind that I should have known how to do it since a friend of ours recently had trouble starting her car...oh well.

I got to see Amos for a few minutes between school and tutoring.

I didn't have to think up anything intense for tutoring after all because my student brought her homework, and it took up the entire time.

I got paid for the some of the tutoring I've done so far.

God, family, and friends still care about and love me.

I sound like Pollyanna, who, according to one of my old professors, espouses a dangerous philosophy, since the world is in reality a dark, sad place; see the previous post for just one example. However, I suppose it is better to be an optimist instead of a pessimist, though it's usually easier to be glum than glad.

Hope

Good news or bad news first? How about the bad news.

Bad News

I had two students for tutoring with a total of three hours a week, but the two-hour-a-week student recently quit the agency altogether.

Substitute teaching can be very boring. I was at school for eight hours today and only taught three and a half of those.

Good News

The day after my tutoring student dropped the program, another student was added and given to me!

There are characters in every class in which I sub. Like the boy yesterday who slept for about half the class. The usually observant substitute did not realize he was asleep until a girl asked her at the end of the period, "Is he asleep?" The poor kid was rather shocked to find himself the last one in the classroom. I just hoped he hadn't drooled on the textbook, which had served as his pillow.

Or how about the girl who was "vacuuming" Skittles off her phone into her mouth? She choked the first time, but that didn't dissuade her from sucking up the rest of them.

I also really liked one boy's reading choice. Picture a tan kid wearing baggy jeans, a large, zippered hoodie with the hood pulled up, and a long beaded necklace with a cross. I saw him reading a graphic novel. I was debating whether to let him keep reading or to tell him to take out his homework. I let him keep reading because 1) it was sort of a homeroom class, with no set schedule, 2) he was so enthralled with the book, and 3) reading is good for kids. Imagine my surprise when I later saw the title of the book. Emma. Yep, this tall high school boy was devouring Emma, by Jane Austen, abridged graphic novel version. It really made me smile.

I hear a lot of crazy names. I won't share them here because of privacy issues, but let me tell you, they are doozies. Some of them are a result of their respective heritages or backgrounds, but some of them are just made up. And heaven forbid if you pronounce it wrong! Hmmmmm, sounds like someone I know...

Raging debates. Some of them are hilarious. Yesterday I heard a debate about the wingspan of eagles and another debate about whether the Cold War should be called "The Cold War" or just "The Cold." These aren't formal debates, of course, but rather animated discussions over what is correct.
Today I heard a prolife/prochoice debate. I was very interested in this one. A boy and a girl were arguing for abortion while two boys were arguing against abortion. I was having the best time listening in to their arguments. The girl looked at me and told me that they had already done their work. I wasn't about to stop their debate, but I didn't tell them that. I listened intently for about twenty minutes as each student tried to make his or her point.
The prolife boys had very good arguments. I was quite impressed. (The argument that made me laugh was, "The fetus' brain isn't developed? YOUR brain isn't even developed!!" haha!) I was very encouraged by their stance, by their unwavering belief in the fact that embryos and fetuses are human beings, and by their ability to debate the issue with others. I hope that those two boys grow into young men who are compassionate toward those who have been deeply wounded like the third boy in the group.
I was saddened by the prochoice boy. He advocated abortion because he knew that he was a "mistake." (His mother gave birth to him in high school, and his father left when he was six months old.) He didn't want other children to endure the pain of having a father who walked out on them. It was so sad; actually, it was heart-wrenching, even though this boy stated the facts in a rather unemotional way. I wanted to tell him that he wasn't a mistake, that he would be okay, that he could make a difference in other people's lives, that he could himself be a good father one day, etc. It was so sad. Even as I sit here, I wish I could do something for that bitter boy who had it so hard. Sure, he went to one of the best high schools in the district, probably had a cell phone, a laptop, and a slew of other luxuries. However, he was so hurt by this individual that he couldn't even remember; I'll bet that he would give up everything in a heartbeat just to have a dad who loved him. It was this pain and hurt that drove him to condone abortion. He didn't want other kids to experience what he had experienced.

It sounds like I only have pity for the boy. I have more than pity, though. I want him not just to be pitied, but to be challenged to change his course. I want a better life for him. I want to give this kid hope. Hope that he can better this life and hope that he can live in the next. But only Jesus can give him that. I hope he finds Him.

I hope it doesn't sound silly, but I feel like crying over this boy, who I only interacted with for an hour and a half. I want so much more for him and for kids like him. Only Jesus can heal.

But You have seen, for You observe trouble and grief,
To repay it by Your hand,

The helpless commits himself to You;
You are the helper of the fatherless.

-Psalm 10:14

Haha!

I really like these pictures. The first one is at the Avocado Festival (which really should have been called the Craft Fair). Amos was texting someone who wanted help with something, and I decided to take pictures anyway. :)

Amos and I went to the Annenberg Space for Photography. Pretty cool place. We parked in an underground parking garage that had about 4,000 parking spaces and a system of cameras that could detect if a car (or a person) was in a space. The number would then register on several signs throughout the garage so that those who wished to park would know how many spaces were available on each floor and down each aisle! It was pretty crazy.

This picture was taken near the Annenberg. You can't see it in this picture. However, the little park and the building behind us are going to appear in the movie "The Green Hornet." I have no idea when it comes out.

On the way back, we decided to find a place to eat. I thought of a place that my old roommate Adrienne and I had eaten at about a month ago. Amos and I tried to find it but ended up going in the opposite direction of Zankou Chicken. We drove on five freeways and through about twenty different cities before we made it home. And we never did find the right place. Oh well! Have to save that for the next adventure. I have the directions this time.

Blessings

I have had innumerable blessings spread across my relatively young lifetime, and I thought I'd share a few of the most recent ones here with you.

1. Money

I recently received unexpected money in the form of a gift card from the church I attended for the last 2ish years. It was totally unexpected and is very handy for such things as food, gas, etc. Thank you and thank You!

2. Job

One of my Michelle roommates came back from work the other day and asked if I had a job for a particular Friday. I said that I did not, to which she declared, "I have a job for you!" small michelle is going on a weekend mission trip to Mexico. She could sub for a particular teacher on Thursday but not Friday. However, the school wanted the same sub for two days. Therefore, michelle was kind enough to tell them about me! And not only that, when the secretary called me, she even had an extra third day for me to sub! Thanks, michelle!

3. Amos

As you should know, I am dating Amos again. Last night he took me to dinner, then we hung out at his place for a while. I think it was a combination of something I ate with the fact that his apartment was rather warm, but I ended up feeling very sick to my stomach. I rather uncharacteristically declared that I was sick and I had to go somewhere cool. We wandered over to the neighboring park in hopes that I would feel better. I obviously didn't feel like doing or saying anything, so Amos just sat beside me, talking and keeping crickets away from my head, until I felt well enough to be taken home.

My overall impression of the whole episode is that Amos is very kind. I already knew that, of course, but it really showed through last night when I was suddenly sick. He could tell that I was sick, but he didn't tell me to get over it, he didn't freak out and try to take me to the hospital, he didn't ask me a bazillion times if I was okay, and he didn't insist on making me do whatever he does when he feels sick.

Somehow we ended up talking about why he does what he does. As he will tell you, it's just common sense and caring about people. But I say, there aren't a whole lot of people out there who live this way. If your girlfriend asks you not to do something, you don't comply for a while and then do it again, just 'cuz you want to. You don't insist on having your way. You think about your reputation and your actions. Etc. These are important considerations for anyone, boyfriend, wife, grandma, child, friend, cousin, pastor, student, roommate, and the list goes on.

Proverbs 19:22a says, "What is desired in a man is kindness."

I'm proud to say that my boyfriend lives up to that.

And now I'll stop talking 'cuz I'm sure you don't want to hear about him all the time. ;)

Wait with confidence

Well, it's about time for another post. I have been sick for the last few days, but I'm doing pretty well now, thanks to sleep, Airborne, more sleep, orange juice, Amos, chicken noodle soup, a huge Sunshine sweatshirt (size large; yeah, I'm not sure what my director was thinking when he ordered it), and even more sleep. I tutored today, I subbed three days last week, and I'm subbing at least one day next week! I'm hoping for 5:30 am calls tomorrow through Friday, but I doubt I'll actually get one. But hey, God surprised me last Monday! He can do it again! C'mon teachers, get sick! Actually try not to; I didn't feel so hot for a while there.

Anyway, at church this Sunday the pastor cross-referenced I Corinthians 2:9. I Corinthians 2:9 is a reference to Isaiah 64:4, a verse about waiting on God. And I just realized that it isn't just waiting. It's not just me sitting around saying, "I'll wait, hoping God will show up before it's too late." No, I'll do what I can as I wait, knowing He will show up with His perfect plan for my good and His glory, easy or not, comfortable or not, my way or not, doing my best to trust Him. I was so encouraged by this verse that I made a collage for it. I hope you like it!

Green

Environmentalism is green.

Amos and I went to the L.A. County Fair on Friday. Some of the booths were eco-friendly. We had a great time looking at dinosaurs, discussing ridiculous things people were trying to sell, and watching screaming fair-goers get launched into the sky on various rides. We also got pictures in the photo booth, which I've wanted to do since forever. :)

Rose stems are green.
Amos gave me a dozen roses, two red and ten white, because we have now been dating for two months (this time). :)

Guacamole is green.

Amos and I went to the Avocado Festival in Carpinteria on Saturday. There were a lot of people, a lot of crafts, and few avocados. It was kind of disappointing in the avocado department. However, I still had a great time eating guacamole and hanging with Amos. Of course the second thing was better, but why not combine it with the first? ;)

Money is green.

I now have four inconsistent jobs. I'm going for an interview tomorrow for a fifth job. I'm hoping to keep three consistent or semi-consistent jobs and to drop the other two. Hopefully this will increase my bank account, which is necessary and would be really nice!

Guest Speaker

Today (or tonight or this morning, however you want to take it) I have a guest writer to share his thoughts with you. Randy Rankin is one of my friends from college. We never really hung out, but we have quite a few mutual friends and were both brought up in Awana. I copied his note from Facebook. Its title is "Redefining Sin and the Implications Thereof." I thought it was very good and worth the time to read it, though it is long (hang in there!). Do realize that this is Randy's writing and not mine. I hope this makes you think and that you can find infinite ways to make the glorification of God a reality in every part of your life.

In other news, I really like Lincoln Brewster's version of "Everlasting God" on YouTube. (And I apologize for the strange font size and color; blogspot really doesn't like it when I copy and paste.)

Redefining Sin and the Implications Thereof, by Randy Rankin

I had an interesting opportunity a little while ago to truly ponder the nature of sin. One of the AWANA leaders I work with had given a gospel presentation and had asked my opinion of it. Thankfully God prevented my inner cynic from tearing him apart and allowed my mind to focus on one key issue that has frustrated me. He had hardly touched the issue of sin. He was so eager to teach salvation that he totally forgot what we are being saved from. To me that was a huge problem. and I kind of went into rant/lecture mode. Now for those of you who have not had the opportunity to be on the recieving end of one of these let me explain. I tend to rant much like I write in a free flowing manner which means that many times I don't know where I am going until I have gotten there because much of my thinking happens on a subconcious level and only seems to express itself when I am arguing or writing. So there are many times when my points can even surprise myself. I began to talk of the nature of sin and how important it is to understand it. I continued to explain how Christianity seems to have lost track of the true nature of sin and if we actually understood it we might live a little differently. It was when I was defining sin that I surprised myself because it was a definition I dont think I have heard before or if I had it hadn't been emphasized properly. I went home that night and began to consider the implications of such a definition. and the fact is that it is life changing. To live by such a definition requires a massive change of perspective. So let me ask you, what is sin really? What is this condemning action, attitude, or perception called sin? Do you know?

Here is what I came up with. Our purpose on earth as humans is to glorify or worship God. Just as the painting praises the artist, the sculpture praises the sculptor, and the symphony praises the composer, we are to praise our creator. We are God's painting, his symphony, and our purpose is to point to him and glorify his attributes. If we do not do this , if we do not glorify him, that is sin. Too often I hear that sin is the bad things we do, but that is wrong, it's way off. Sin has nothing to do with morality. It isn't good vs. bad. That comes from religion. Morality is man made not God made. Now before you start arguing I am not talking about the law or conscience I am talking about simple morality, a cultural creation of both secular and religious orgin. Why we consider certain actions good and certain actions bad. As a culture changes so does its morality, this is a historical observation and fact. That being said you cannot judge someone by a variable standard, it isnt just. Therefore morality cannot be a judge for sin and sin cannot be the bad things you do.

Now about the two things I mentioned earlier that I know all you good little Christians would jump to, the law and your conscience. These are not judges either. First the conscience can deaden. The more one sins the more he justifies until he convinces himslef that he is not doing anything wrong. Second the law enslaves making one unable to act without breaking it in some way. When one tries to follow the law he creates more laws to keep him from the laws he is afraid he will break. Then he creates more laws to keep himself from breaking those laws and so on until he is so wrapped in laws that he is unable to move without breaking his laws. Again a man made problem unable to judge. Sin is simply this, when one does not glorify God he is in sin. When one focuses on this definition suddenly the tools God provided, the law and the conscience, become guides instead of stumbling blocks. The law tells you how to glorify God and the conscience warns you against inglorious acts.

Can you see how freeing this definition is? Suddenly you do not have to worry about what to do. Sin is not an action or an attitude it is a lifestyle. There are many verses pointing to this, Paul references it many times but it is only when this definition prevails that such verses begin to make sense. The fact that we aren't under the law and all things are permissable is clear because it is not an action we have to avoid. Sin is a lifestyle that we are born into. We begin this life unable to glorify and praise our creator and until the time we come to salvation we lif in constant inglorious action. At the point of salvation we see the world with new eyes, pleasures are given to us by God so we can thank him for them. Sufferings are given to test us and grow us by God so we grow wiser and more dependent on Him. Which leads us to praising him more. Obviously we are new to this lifestyle and fail in it constantly but we are able to live a life of sinlessness because we can live a life of glorification of God. How amazing a conclusion that is, how freeing. Do you see it?

Now contemplate who God is. Almighty God, Creator of the heavens and the earth. A God so big that he created the stars with his fingertips as an afterthought. He can hold the entire universe in His hand. We are miniscule specks smaller than the smallest thing we know. Smaller than the proteins holding together our DNA. Yet he knows everything about each and every person alive and everything about all those who have lived and all those who will live. Their every action, their every thought and possibly their every possible action as well. He knows everything. He is that big and that knowledgeable. Think about our definition of sin in conjunction with our God. It simplifies things really. He doesnt condemn us for our actions in life but our lifestyles. That is why the best person you know without God is still going to hell. He does not glorify God with his life. And the most hardened criminal who gives his life to Jesus will go to heaven because he glorifies God. He completes his purpose. It is completely just those that complete their purpose will be rewarded by God's presence and those that do not will be tossed into the fiery inferno and seperated for God's presence. It is no different from a painter who scraps a bad painting or a composer who scratches out a bad chord. If we do not complete our purpose we have no reason to continue. Or here is a thought if we do not complete our purpose in life we do after it. On judgement day when all come before Him to be judged every knee will bow and every tounge confess that Jesus is God. They will glorify Him and then they will point to His attribute of justice just as we who have been saved will glorify Him and point to His attribute of mercy. And there will be no more sin because we all will be fulfilling our purpose and be glorifying God at all times.

I know this is a very different way of looking at things. It has many more implications as we continue to apply it to our lives but I think it is worth the time to consider what we think of sin and how it affects us. I think one of the Devil's most insidious tricks is to confuse what sin is and then let us blunder our way about destroying others lives because we think they are too sinful. When the nature of sin is defined by a glorious lifestyle we are able to avoid that blundering because sin is not what you do but how you do it and no one can judge that but God and yourself. Also I realize for those of you who are a little more theologically minded I did not provide any specific verses to back up my theories. I do this for a couple of reasons. The first is simplest I am a bit lazy and didnt want to go through the trouble of looking them up. I know this is a shortcoming of mine but it allows for the second reason, my justification, I want you to look for them yourselves. Test the Bible to see if what I am saying is true. If what I am saying isnt true come back to me with your verses prove that Im wrong. please I would welcome it because it would instruct me and it would show me that you arent attacking me with a close minded attitude but one who is truly concerned and looking for the truth. Please comment and tell me what you think one of the biggest reasons I post things like this is to cause discussion and to create thought. Thank you.

In review...

"I'm going to show Jennica and Amos something that will really make them laugh; [whispers to Dad] it's six headless people."

-Brenda, with Lego people, 2008