I think my friend Heather has a point when she says one reason she deleted Facebook was because "...some things people post on Facebook rile me up unnecessarily and cause me to judge them in ways I shouldn't." Well, something on Facebook irritated me enough to write a post about it, though I've thought about this for quite some time.
Anyway, this person had a quote from Ayn Rand, libertarian and feminist extraordinaire, about friendship. Or, "friendship," as I would call it. If you know a bit about Ayn Rand (I read part of an article about her and her philosophy once), you know that she thought that living for self was the ultimate goal in life. She believed in a society run with no commitments and no restrictions on personal liberty and the personal pursuit of happiness. Here is her quote about "friendship."
One of my best friends is different from me in almost every way. I told her once that the only thing we have in common is our blue eyes, haha! There have been times when it would have been easier on me to withdraw myself, to cease to reach out to her, to give her the cold shoulder, to let her wander off and out of my life. But I didn't. Why? Because I thought that that wasn't loving; because I thought that perhaps she needed a friend that didn't give up on her; because I thought maybe I could influence her for good, even if she didn't always listen to me.
Are these relationships just that, relationships, not friendships? Why must friendships only benefit me? Why not make friends to benefit others? Why only seek out like-minded people to be friends with? Why avoid the rough edges? What is the difference between love and friendship?
Indifference, rejection, lack of commitment, self-interest. Is this how we are to respond when a friend, who needs help, is costing us more than we want to pay? That's not how God responded. God looked at Israel and saw a pitiful, whiny, unfaithful people, and He loved them. God saw Peter, His chosen Church founder, who denied him, who made mistakes, who was embarrassing, and He loved him. God saw me, a selfish introvert who would rather not reach out to others, who would rather love her husband and no one else, who would rather not learn to be patient with people, and He loved me. Can't I learn to love others, too, even more, to befriend others who often don't give me what I want, who don't always show love in return, who sometimes irritate me, who cause me stress, who misunderstand and misinterpret me on occasion?
Friendship - not just love, but friendship - is an investment, even when you don't know if you'll get any worthwhile returns. And that is worth much more than living for the friendship of self.
Anyway, this person had a quote from Ayn Rand, libertarian and feminist extraordinaire, about friendship. Or, "friendship," as I would call it. If you know a bit about Ayn Rand (I read part of an article about her and her philosophy once), you know that she thought that living for self was the ultimate goal in life. She believed in a society run with no commitments and no restrictions on personal liberty and the personal pursuit of happiness. Here is her quote about "friendship."
"I shall choose friends among men, but neither slaves nor masters. And I shall choose only such as please me, and them I shall love and respect, but neither command nor obey. And we shall join our hands when we wish, or walk alone when we so desire.""And I shall choose only such as please me, and them I shall love and respect..." Is this true friendship? I've seen quotes around the internet about "Choose only those friends who build you up and make you a better person. If they take too much out of you, ditch 'em." (I'm talking here about friends who drag you down emotionally and relationally simply by their personality or life choices, not people who are openly hostile and manipulative, who try to use you rather than truly befriend you.) Well, if the world followed the philosophy of Ayn Rand and random internet quotes, I don't suppose I would be friends with quite a few people! My parents chose to befriend my brothers and sisters and I as we were growing up, not because we would make my parents better people, but because they loved us, had a commitment to us, and wanted us to be better people. My ARA in college chose to befriend me as an annoying freshman not because I would make her a better person, but because she cared about me. My roommate Katharyn chose to befriend me not because I irritated her and tickled her and teased her and jumped out of closets at her, but because she cared about me. When I came to care more about her than about myself, we got along a lot better. Amos chose to befriend me and continues to befriend me even when I hurt him. I told him one time, "I don't want you to have to love the ugly parts of me," to which he replied, "but that really isn't love, is it?"
One of my best friends is different from me in almost every way. I told her once that the only thing we have in common is our blue eyes, haha! There have been times when it would have been easier on me to withdraw myself, to cease to reach out to her, to give her the cold shoulder, to let her wander off and out of my life. But I didn't. Why? Because I thought that that wasn't loving; because I thought that perhaps she needed a friend that didn't give up on her; because I thought maybe I could influence her for good, even if she didn't always listen to me.
Are these relationships just that, relationships, not friendships? Why must friendships only benefit me? Why not make friends to benefit others? Why only seek out like-minded people to be friends with? Why avoid the rough edges? What is the difference between love and friendship?
Indifference, rejection, lack of commitment, self-interest. Is this how we are to respond when a friend, who needs help, is costing us more than we want to pay? That's not how God responded. God looked at Israel and saw a pitiful, whiny, unfaithful people, and He loved them. God saw Peter, His chosen Church founder, who denied him, who made mistakes, who was embarrassing, and He loved him. God saw me, a selfish introvert who would rather not reach out to others, who would rather love her husband and no one else, who would rather not learn to be patient with people, and He loved me. Can't I learn to love others, too, even more, to befriend others who often don't give me what I want, who don't always show love in return, who sometimes irritate me, who cause me stress, who misunderstand and misinterpret me on occasion?
Friendship - not just love, but friendship - is an investment, even when you don't know if you'll get any worthwhile returns. And that is worth much more than living for the friendship of self.
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