When sorry isn't enough...

A few months ago I was reading a blog that I won't list here. The photographer had recently married, and she was writing about the last few months of married life. She got to the point in which she said that her husband has "learned to bring me a present" when he makes her mad.
[Insert Jennica yelling] DAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!

NO.

NO.

How is that forgiveness? Why wouldn't a simple, "I'm sorry; please forgive me" be enough?  Must you even hear an "I'm sorry; please forgive me" before you give forgiveness?
I say no.

Also, bringing presents to appease the angry spouse/friend/family member/employer/whomever is NOT forgiveness.

Several thoughts:

-Why would you want that present sticking around? Every time you see that...thing, whatever it happens to be, you are reminded of the time that person made you mad or hurt you and you chose not to forgive him or her. Really?!  I would hate to have that over my head.

Friend: "Oh, this vase is pretty, where did you get it?"
You: "Bob got that for me when I got mad at him. He's learned well."

That is not forgiveness; that's withholding forgiveness, restoration, acceptance.

-Presents as prerequisites for forgiveness means that unless a present comes, forgiveness will not be granted. Then, you are not only unforgiving, you are also bitter because you didn't get a present!

-Withholding forgiveness makes the offending person feel as if he or she cannot meet your expectations and thus is not worthy of your love. This is a very hurtful form of rejection.

-No matter what someone else does to you, you have to live with your own response to the situation. You can make the situation better or worse based on your reaction.  Maybe they will never know that they hurt you, or maybe they will never care that they hurt you.  You have to forgive anyway.

-The Bible says that we must forgive, for we have been forgiven ourselves.
"And be kind  to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another even as God in Christ forgave you."
Ephesians 4:32
"Therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, put on tender mercies, kindness, humility, meekness, longsuffering; bearing with one another, and forgiving one another, if anyone has a complaint against another; even as Christ forgave you, so you also must do. But above all these things put on love, which is the bond of perfection."
Colossians 3:12-14

-Forgiveness is the gospel!  I was reminded of this in church a few weeks ago.  I was suddenly hit again with the truth that God has forgiven me.

ME.

He forgave my sins not because I deserved it, not because I came and groveled, not because I gave Him a gift trying to convince Him that I was worthy.  He forgave me because He loves me, in spite of my faults.  He knows that I am dust and loves me anyway!
"For when we were still without strength, in due time Christ died for the ungodly."
Romans 5:6

Shouldn't that be our attitude?
Shouldn't we too forgive others, whether they knowingly or unknowingly hurt us?

Forgiveness is at the heart of love.
Undeserved, unreserved, unending.